I recently was in a session where the client stated they were waiting for a sense of “normalcy,” where nothing in their life was happening. They felt that there had been constant events throughout the last year, which wasn’t normal. They mentioned the word “stability,” waiting to be stable.Often, analogies help my clients to understand a different perspective. I have recently been on the same journey as this client and many others, waiting to “calm down.”
I have used the analogy of a tree to help them understand what stability could look like. When we look at a tree, the roots are a stable part of the tree, but we cannot always see them since they are underground. They grow as the tree grows; although they’re constantly there, we may forget about their existence.
When identifying some stable pieces of a person’s life, such as family, friends, work, and income, we define those as the roots that always hold a person together. Many other pieces of life can be seen as the roots; everyone’s life will not look the same. The tree analogy can be taken further as we look at the trunk. I usually view the tree as a palm tree, which can weather the storm as it bends back and forth. Palm trees bend where the palms come down to the ground, and when the storm is over, they become upright again.
I have talked about palm trees as I am constantly reminded of their flexibility and ability to manage when “life” comes their way. Their branches change, or in this particular instance, their palms change. Palms must be groomed and old palms removed so the tree can survive when “life comes.” The old and dead palms are heavy, and they shed and fall over time. Their impact when they fall is known to be dangerous as the weight can harm others. Pruning, or trimming the tree with intention, allows the tree to be healthy.
We can’t control everything in our lives. Intentionality or self-reflection involves pruning or trimming things away that may not be useful, but also tending to the roots/stability that keeps us standing. It is not a fair statement for us to think that when nothing is happening, everything is good. Life is supposed to happen, both good and uncomfortable. It is all about perspective. The palm tree goes through a lot during the storm, but when it is over, it is upright, it cannot prevent the storm from coming. The palm can manage the storm, and we can learn to manage what life throws our way. This season, let us be reminded to find the essential necessities and become mindful and grateful for those things even when the storm is disruptive.
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